so i was born in the lord's year 1974 at beth israel hospital in boston, mass to a 22-year old dude from chelsea, mass and a 21-year old girl from westboro, mass. until my sister was born two years later, i can only assume that i got ALL THE ATTENTION, since i'm super cute & totally lovable. people love blonds, especially when they're in baby form.
since i was born on nov 17, the conception date was likely some time right around valentine's day 1974. happy valentine's day mom & dad! also, since i was born on that date in november, i am obviously the reincarnation of the late erskine hamilton childers, the fourth president of ireland, who died of a heart attack on that same day.
it was a year marked most profoundly by nixon's resignation but also by a number of significant events all around the country, many of which were not my birth...
1. in queens, ny, the ramones formed & soon after they became regulars at cbgb. punk was formed & thousands of degenerates learned how to count to one, two, three four! the talking heads formed the same year in nyc, eventually playing their first gig the following year, opening for the ramones.
2. in atlanta, hank aaron broke babe ruth's home run record. he did so after enduring months of death threats & racist remarks from people unhappy with the idea of a black man breaking the sacred home record, which, at the time, was held by a fat white man known for his chris-farleyesque lifestyle.
3. on a related note, out of hollywood, mel brooks' blazing saddles came out & ended the year as the 2nd-highest grossing movie.
4. in cleveland, the indians held 10¢ beer night at a game with the texas rangers despite the fact that the rangers had held a cheap beer night the previous week in texas & the game featured a bench-clearing brawl & rangers fans throwing beer on the indians' players. when the teams met in cleveland a week later for 10¢ beer night, the game featured a woman flashing her breasts in the on-deck circle, a father & son mooning team in the outfield & a host of fans running onto the field. eventually, after one incident with a fan, both teams & hordes of fans spilled onto the field & a full-scale riot ensued.
5. in berkeley, ca, patty hearst, grandaughter of newspaper tycoon william randolph hearst, was kidnapped by the symbionese liberation army, an urban guerilla group. over time, she joined the group & participated in an armed bank robbery with them (for which she later served a two-year sentence), wielding a semi-automatic rifle and calling herself 'tania.' years later she played a small role in john waters' cecil b demented, a film about a group of "kamikaze filmmakers" who kidnap an actress who eventually joins her kidnappers' cause.
6. in san diego, newscaster christine chubbuck killed herself on air with a .38 after battling with depression. weeks before the incident, she had got approval for a story on suicide & as part of her research, was told by a local policeman that the most effective method was with a .38 to the back of the head. a few days prior to her on-air death, she had an argument with the news director after the station's owner had cut one of her stories in favor of something that had more "blood & guts."
7. in amityville, ny, a 23-year old man killed his parents & four brothers/sisters. then they made a movie about it...sort of.
yeah 1974!
#74 - 1974.
snack: kraft macaroni & cheese crackers
drink: yoo-hoo chocolate drink
growing up, the siblings & i ate an impressive amount of macaroni & cheese. butter, milk, powdered cheese, some shells, a little mixing & boiling...& BAM! lunch/dinner is served. as such, when i spied a bag of kraft macaroni & cheese crackers at the corner bodega the other day, i didn't think twice about picking one up.
today, i'm finally getting around to trying them out. they're shaped like lil partly-flattened mac & cheese tubes & taste like a slightly cheesier version of cheez-its. not once whilst eating them did i remark "mine soul declareth these snack crackers an unmistakable facsimile of mine childhood dinners." basically, kraft is banking on the fact that the brand familiarity of their macaroni & cheese (didn't they change it to "cheese & macaroni?") allows them to make a product that bears resemblance in the main ingredient & a skew resemblance in shape, package them up, slap their brand on them & call it a day...tasty enough though.
since i'm going the processed route today, i'm having a yoo-hoo chocolate drink along with the crackers. back in 74, yoo hoo was already some fifty years old & as such, for most of my life, i've thought of it as a beverage from a bygone era, some weird, water-heavy, seven vitamin & mineral-enriched non-beverage manufactured to taste like chocolate...snake oil at best. why not just drink some chocolate milk instead?
that aside, i decided to give it another shot & i'm happy to report that it tastes much better than i remember. it still doesn't hold a candle to a tall, cool glass of chocolate milk, but it was actually pretty good. in fact, it was so good that i heeded the advice on the front of the label, which urged me to "shake it!" & have been holding a one-man dance party in my apartment ever since opening the bottle. of course, since i was born in 74, the dance party is entirely disco-based...not really. shawn don't dance.
parowpyro 