pumpktoberfest #3 - JAW'D!
beer: arcadia ales jaw jacker
seriously. don't go in the water, yo. there's a mofoin man-eating spielbergian shark in there. believe me, you don't want to go anywhere near it or its trademark fin. if you should choose to ignore my advice & go frolicking in the water, don't come running to me asking me to help get your leg reattached. my reaction will be one of complete indifference. you'll probably bleed to death while i tut tut about how i warned you & how you should have at least noticed the jaws theme song playing whilst you surfed. roy scheider wasn't man enough to handle the shark, so they had to call in richard dreyfuss to help out! that alone should've kept you out of the water.
i mean, didn't you see the film when it came out back in the summer of 1975 & essentially created the idea of a summer blockbuster film? me either, since i was only born the previous november, but i've seen it a bunch of times since then. it's freaky. maybe it's part of why i never go to the beach. that shark is friggin huge & mechanical & oft-implied & he's been known to hang out around the waters of
martha's vineyard amity island eating people. that's pretty close to where i grew up & a shark's gotta eat, so why wouldn't he one weekend decide to head north to try out some tasty new hampshire grub? my luck, that'd be the weekend when i'm at the beach. anyway, the film's like a classic & stuff, not like all this crazy gory stuff from nowadays, but still with a good amount of blood in the water. if you haven't seen it, pumpktoberfest's a perfect time to check it out. it's too cold to go in the water this time of year anyhow.
um, i'm actually more scared of the arcadia ales jaw-jacker than i am of the shark in jaws. i'm not talking about the beer though. from what i can tell from the label, the "jaw-jacker" is a scarecrow with a shark-toothed jaw enhanced pumpkin for a head. if i run into a shark in the water & he eats me, that's one thing. it happens to people every once in a while. if i meet my maker at the hands of a jaw-jacker, that's F'D UP. i don't know what kind of crazy nuclear-kellogg's creatures they have running around up in the fields of battle creek, michigan (arcadia's home), but that's some actual horror movie stuff that i'd much rather not be involved in.
the beer's not as scary. you'd think that something with a name like "jaw-jacker" would have some bite to it, but nope. as a beer, the taste is fine, but as a pumpkin beer, the closest it gets to being pumpkinlike is the slightly orange/amber color. it's made with cinnamon, allspice & nutmeg & those spices dominate the flavor. we're now three-for-three this holiday season as far as meh pumpkin beers go. hopefully i haven't awakened the spirit of the jaw-jacker by insulting its beer. if they find me dead tomorrow with an odd set of bite marks about my body & fresh pumpkin seeds splattered on the walls, please point the authorities to this blog entry. thanks kindly.
pumpktoberfest #3 - JAW'D!